I had to go, I had to leave.
I had to go away from Germany. Too much had happened in a short amount of time.
Many (unwanted) changes, positive experiences, traumatic experiences, intentional changes, emotional highs and lows, grief and pain.
2018 was too much, I was empty. In December that year, all I did was sleep. I don't think I've ever slept that much. 2019 was supposed to start off positive, mainly because I knew that I had some difficult times ahead of me.
My process of transformation had only just begun. Dealing with a lot of changes isn't easy, I was constantly challenged and thrown into the deep end.
But why did I do it? To follow my path. Building a "new" life is not easy and requires a lot of courage. You have to leave your comfort zone and venture into the unknown and uncertain. Your thoughts constantly want to hold you back. They create doubt, insecurity, and fear, because the "new" cannot be planned or controlled.
What can you do?
So my first trip in January was to visit friends in Mexico. It was a journey with ups and downs. Fun with friends and loneliness in the hotel room.
Always these questions:
Where do I belong?
What do I really want? And no answers.
In addition, there were doubts: Did you make the "right" decision? Will you regret it someday? Will you end up lonely? (There will be a separate post about this topic because I didn't understand how important it was back then.)
Back from Mexico, I went to Singapore and Bali a week later to see my brother after a few years.
There we experienced a lot, I was often distracted, we went partying and hung out with friends. In some moments after the tough year, I rediscovered my joy of life.
In 2019, I was on the move a lot, also within Germany and Europe. I was restless, had no home. I also wasn`t ready for a new home.
On my travels, I got distractions, new impressions, but I also had to deal with myself a lot. Getting to know myself. In addition, I needed to feel free and flexible.
Now, I can say that this time was absolutely necessary. I found myself again. I needed a break to start all over again. The hard times were totally worth it. I built my life the way I wanted it. I would do it again.
The travel process is challenging (exhausting) and not always sunshine, as suggested in many posts and blogs. But if you are in a place that is blocking you and where you cannot grow, it is sometimes time to travel to find out who you are and what you truly want. And where you want to be, for me it turned out to be ROME!
Face your challenges and you will be rewarded. Don't use travel to run away, use it to grow and get to know yourself!